Doctor Prawn

admin — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 22:47:39 +0000

Dear Dr. Prawn,

I just saw the movie “District 9.” Do you know these prawns? Do you have a sonic gun that can blast people to smithereens? Is it possible or advisable that humans engage in sex with prawns? Is doggy style a favorite position for prawns, and shouldn’t it be called prawn-style then? Does black fluid ever leak from your nostrils? Do you even have nostrils? Do prawns really derail trains for amusement, as depicted in this movie? Have you seen the movie, Dr. Prawn?

Thanks for taking my questions.

Sincerely,

Talibob

Dear Talibob,

No, Yes, No, No, No, No, No, No, No.

DP.

dp 56

admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 07:00:16 +0000

Dear Doctor Prawn,
Is “no, you are !” a valid response to just about every question or statement, when engaged in a serious and sensitive discussion?

Ben

Dear Ben,
As a doctor and a prawn, I think it’s true in this case: because I definitely am.
Yours,
DP

dp 55

admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:59:52 +0000

Ayup doc! how are u doing?
just writing in because i have written to u in a while :(

have u been to match latley? we scored last week…… whaaaay! bet u were gutted that u didn’t get wembly tickets! have u heard theyve got half price prawns at tescos? whaaaay! x

Dear Whaaaay,
there ain’t no half way prawns only halfway crooks, scared to death, scared to look.
Skimping on prawns is like getting discount friends, sure they’re cheap but they also cut you in two.

Dr P

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admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:59:26 +0000

Greetings,
you want to learn the
their own passions,
to advice relating

Sincerely, Dale Roberts

Dear Dale
As a Doctor and a prawn i am surrounded by paradox.
However, I cannot work out if you are spam or not.
Yours,
DP

dp 53

admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:59:03 +0000

Dear Doctor Prawn,
What are shrimps? Why does crocodile Dundee want to through them on the barbie?
G

Dear G
Shrimps are evil. Delicious and Evil.
DP

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admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:58:13 +0000

Dear Doctor Prawn,
I HAVE A FRIEND THAT ASSUMES THE IDENTITY OF A SHRIMP AT BASEBALL, IS THIS A NORMAL THING OR DOES THIS GUY ONLY HAVE REALLY SMALL EYES AND THAT COULD BE WHAT CAUSING IT?

HE ALSO TRIED TO GET TO MEXICO TO PLAY THE WORLD BASEBALL CLASSIC BY RIDING A DOLPHIN, HE ALMOST MADE IT, BUT A FISHERMAN CAUGHT HIM AND HE WAS NAMED THE BIGGEST TIGER SHRIMP CAUGHT. EVER!

THANK-YOU DR PRAWN,

ALEX PRAWNRIGUEZ

Dear Alex,
Finally some real questions! And in capitals!
Your shapeshifting friend still has a few creases to iron out in the whole transmogrification process, but bear with him, I feel that he has the spirit and passion to really nail this sucker. He needs you know more than ever, whether the shrimp/baseball transformation is part of a deeper issue it is not my position to judge, but YOU MUST SUPPORT HIM NO MATTER WHAT.

It seems he is really enjoying some success with the form so it can only be viewed as a move in a positive direction.

I for one, raise a toast to him and wish him and you all the best.

Fondest regards,
Dr Prawn.

dp 51

admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:57:56 +0000

Dear Doctor Prawn,
I am just enquiring to ask if you could tell what to do about my obsession with seafood and garlic and prawns???

Please help

x love you corn on the cob mwah

Dear Zora,

Run with it.
An obsession can be throughly healthy, the beginning of something beautiful. I think if something keeps you awake at night you must confront it and see where your desires take you. You can then spend your sleepless nights more productively.
Garlic can be healthy too, but only if you tap your heels together while eating it and believe that Allicin is the worlds most potent antioxidant.

Love,
Dr P

dp 50

admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:57:32 +0000

Dear Doctor Prawn
i was just wondering what do i do when someone i know is a lazy prawn?

Dear Vanessa
Laziness is something that is a symptom of lack of motivation. As a doctor and a prawn I have been fortunate to have certain obligations and standards that I must adhere or chaos would ensue. I would suggest you make something matter to your lazy prawn. You must touch something he loves.

Hide his car keys, kidnap one of his children, threaten his life.

Hope this helps,

dp 49

admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:56:48 +0000

Dear dr Prawn,
When I ask for my friends opinion they always reply with “what did dr prawn say”. But i want their advice not a dr or a prawns.What should I do?
Confused

Dear confused.
Have you tried asking them what they would think that I would say if they were a Doctor and a Prawn? That will get you close enough to the advice they would give if you asked them direct. On another note: Never contact me again. You are dead to me.
DP

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admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:56:22 +0000

Dear Doctor Prawn,
What noise does a prawn make? :]
Chunky x

Good Question Chunky,
As a doctor and a prawn, i sometimes find that a demonstration of one’s sound can be most effective. Here is a recent recording:
http://vimeo.com/2891933